## Thursday, September 27, 2007

### Time

I don't get it. I know it's supposed to be measured out in equal increments. Seconds, minutes, hours, days,...you know how it goes. And I've heard that one measurement of time is supposed to be exact to the other. For example, I think we would all agree that in theory one hour should be quite the same as another hour.

However, I can tell you that there is some sort of error. Something's amiss. I've just tested my hypothesis about "time glitches" and found that the suspicions I had are actually correct.

"VACATION" time goes by much quicker than "REGULAR" time. It's TRUE! I remember back to last Friday at 8:01pm and it was the start of my vacation. And here we are, five minutes later - and my vacation is pretty much kaput. How the hell does that happen?

I have another theory. I will bet that "vacation" time has many many more legs than "regular" time, and is therefore able to run much much faster. I'm guessing that "regular" time has mayyyyyybe two legs. Perhaps one. "Vacation" time, on the other hand, probably has somewhere in the realm of three million, two hundred and fifty four thousand, and seventy-one legs.

What I need to do is TRAP time and observe it. Under a microscope, I think. (I really should get myself a clipboard and a lab coat, too.) So I'm going to be busy in the next couple days coming up with some sort of container to capture "regular" time. Luckily, I'll have one more day next week - Wednesday - to trap "vacation" time. If I'm unsuccessful, though, I've either got to get someone else to help me. "Vacation" time is elusive, and I'm not going to see any more of it after next Wednesday until Christmas.

I'll publish my findings in "Popular Science" magazine. Oh, and here too.

## Tuesday, September 25, 2007

### Face Spider

Look at this beast! He's got a face - other than his real face - on him. Two-faced. See that buggy thing below him? Two-faced Spider is about to have him some lunch.

See?

Mmmmm! Buggy!

This was on my way to work. These spiders look scary to me. They look scary, and their colourful angry "faces" look scary! Don't you think?

Here's another one, just a few steps away. Surely it's of the same species. The "face" is still scary,...but different!

It's hard, I know, to get a sense of the size of these beasts. Let me assure you,...it's hard to get a SHOT of them! Their webs are waving in the breeze, and up in the bushes beyond a four foot wall that holds the mountain from collapsing into the road. So let me say these spider's nests are BIG! They're more than a foot long up and down.

I'm glad they're nesting in the mountain greenery. If I woke up with one on me, rest assured I'd freak out and go crazy batting it off me. And then I'd have a heart attack and die.

## Monday, September 24, 2007

### Ziggy Stardust

I was surfing around today and visited the lovely Mosaic Cat blog. I really like these cats and this lady. Back in Canada, I used to make mosaics and was surprised, when I visited last year, about the amount of projects and materials I have sitting in my mother's garage. They're waiting for me to come back, and I'm looking forward to getting back into them! Eventually.

See? Here's a Fish Chest I made my mom for her birthday.

I liked the sides of it. Water lilies and sand.

I was still experimenting with materials and projects when I put it all aside to come to Asia. Mosaic Lady's pieces are so lovely. I want them all. Anyhow, I didn't mean to be writing about mosaics, though let me finish off by saying I'm quite sure if Mosaic Lady and I were to meet up in person, chances are very high we'd be fast friends. And hopefully she'd let me play around in her studio. I'd even grout for her, because I know she doesn't like it- and I love it.

I followed a link on the MC's blog to The Cat Realm - where last month their lovely cat Anastasia went missing. She's still not returned, but it got me to thinking about many years ago. It got me thinking about a cool cat named Ziggy.

I moved out of my house when I was about 18 and pretty much right into my friend Kim's house. It was a better choice than my car. To say my leaving my "nest" was abrupt is an understatement. One morning I was living at the house I'd lived in for four years with my family, and 30 minutes later I was not. That's another story.

Eventually, my brother started dating Kim. So lucky he was, always having a big group of my beautiful friends to choose from. Then he and my girlfriend would have a horrible break-up, which meant the end of my friendship as well. Thanks, man! (He's now married to another of my highschool friends - Lori. Knock on wood we'll all be BFF.) So anyway, the three of us- Kim, Jeff, and I, were pretty much living together. In Kim's father's house. We decided we needed to get our own place.

We found this great house with a spiral staircase leading up into a loft from the sunken living room. Skylights and stained glass, it was lovely. We wanted it so bad. But, I don't think any of us were working steadily, so it was doubtful the landlord would rent to us bums. We ended up designing a reference letter with fake letterhead and we had our friends be our pretend bosses when the landlord called to have us checked out. (Our made-up jobs were at a Music Company and Recording Studio called "Now and Then Again." Those fake jobs rocked. I looked forward to getting up every morning and pretending to go to my imaginary job back then.)

I had a bedroom in the back above the elderly alcoholic's bedroom who lived downstairs. Those two old folks were hardcore alkies, and they would have brutal fights just about every day. It was interesting at first. If you were visiting us then, you might have walked in to find the three of us lying of the floor over the vents listening to Alma and Ivan scream at each other, while we tried not to giggle too loud. There's something disturbing about eavesdropping on a 70-something year old woman slur-scream "YA? WELL YOU CAN'T SHEVEN F*#& ME ANYMOW, YOU @&#^@ SHUNUVVABISH!" at her husband. Months later, we were given a respite, after Alma got taken away in an ambulance with a bandaged-wrapped bloodied head, as the police followed, leading Ivan away in handcuffs. An officer followed holding a plastic baggie filled with a hammer!

I'd do a jig and sing, "Bang bang Ivan's silver hammer came down on Alma's head!"
"Doo, do doo doo!" Kim would pipe in.

I've gotten away. Far far away from what I was talking about.

When we all moved in together, Kim brought her cats. She had two boys, Ziggy - a furry black and white big-balled strapping male, and Sebastian (Thebathtian) who spent a lot of time being gay and neurotic in various closets. We loved these cats, and would often forgo TV and instead watch these guys as we listened to music from my brothers giant stereo in our smoky living room. The cats would roam above us, balancing and criss-crossing on the exposed beams in our high ceiling. We would have a running commentary on their actions. Such good boys.

And then one day Ziggy was gone. But this wasn't unusual. He was often outside. I don't think anyone was very worried after a couple days. Ot was spring. He was probably out with the ladies. But after a week we started to miss him. Kim would walk around calling him and head toward the old neighbourhood. But no Ziggy. With each passing day, we were more concerned. We put up posters with pictures asking people to call if they spotted him. But nothing. Everyone was so sad. Ziggy was such an awesome cat and it just flattened us to think he'd gone out and gotten himself lost. Or worse. But as the weeks turned into months we had to let go, and realize he was gone. Thebathtian theemed thad. He spent more time in hith clothet.

Spring turned to summer and it was quickly heading into fall. One cool nightm after a happy game of "Hearts" at Kim's uncle's house nearby, Jeff and I and Kim stood in the kitchen talking to one another. I remember I was the one gabbing and gesturing with my hands as I tend to do, when I glanced over at the patio door. And then I got stuck. My words were stuck, and I looked at Kim and Jeff with big round eyes. I couldn't even breathe, really. I reached my hands out and grabbed Kim and Jeff by the front of their shirts and finally let go of the shout lodged in my throat.

"ZZZZIIIIIIGGGGGGYYYYYY!"
And I let go to point toward the glass door.
There sat Ziggy with his nose up close, looking at us like, "What?"

He had been gone for months! In the city. The big bad car-filled stray dog city! Kim ran to open the door and get him, and she snatched him up in her arms. The three of us danced around shouting his name and asking him where he'd been. Kim held him in the air by his armpits and waved him around and Jeff and I stuck our hands in his soft dirty fur. And we were leaking. And shouting. Such joy! Ziggy looked down with unamused yellow eyes that flickered between us, and searching for his bowl. Thebathtian came out of hith clothet and we four sat on the floor and asked Ziggy questions as he gobbled up food. "Where have you been? We were so worried, where were you? Were you lost? Are you ok? Why didn't you call?"

Ziggy finished eating and then walked away only turning once to shake his tail at us. Again, like, "What?" Thebathian followed Ziggy to try and clean him up a bit, (he was a Groomer) and, I suppose, to get Ziggy to share the stories of his adventures.

Sometimes against all odds, they do come back.

## Sunday, September 23, 2007

### Week Recap

I've often wished that Friday night could find a way to transform itself into a physical mass so I could pet it and fondle it and express how much I love it. Well,...this past Friday evening marked the beginning of a 5-day holiday. I love this past Friday so much I want it to metamorphose into something I can kiss and hug and marry,...and then chop up and fry and eat and happily burp, content with bliss.

So I'm on holiday, and thank the Great Gods for that. This week seemed really long. It was busy. My birthday was on Tuesday, and even though it often feels like I've got no friends, I still had celebrations Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.

Monday I met Joy, my former co-worker and now great friend. She's very Christian, but also easy going and doesn't balk at my constant swearing and hand gestures denoting sex. (Just a habit of mine - I think it's Tourettes based.) We met and had a little bite of undelicious food and fantastic pitchers of "soju cocktails." I didn't take a picture, and they were more juice than soju - there was only a half bottle in a big jug. But then we had some bamboo wine.

Yum!
Phallic!
(Impressive!)
I forget the name of this stuff, but it's nice - and served in actual bamboo. Even the glasses were bamboo shot glasses!

We sat safe inside this new restaurant that just opened a couple weeks ago, while a typhoon whipped by outside. Nice.

Monday night I ended up in my local bar on my way home after a yummy dinner at my friend Ben's. I figured I'd write a letter to my twin brother as our birthdays approached in an hour or so. One of my student's fathers who I know came by to say hi, and when he heard it was soon to be my birthday he disappeared out the door, only to re-appear with a cake!

It was yummy! And as a few people sang to me, my student's dad accidentally shot one of those firecrackers that spurts out streamers into my lip. That hurt. So after cake eating there was a visit to a noraebang. Then I came home and drunk dialed family back in Canada. They love that.

Tuesday. Birthday. At work. Cake. Baskin Robbins from my boss. Delicious.

Seriously. Yum.
Nice presents! My boss knows me well and got me some fantastic silver hoop earrings. Jane got me huge tacky fake-gold earrings that look like tambourines. Sunny gave me surely the most expensive mascara I've ever owned. The kids gave me kitchy stuff and excellent letters. I felt,....well,...hungover. Hungover and loved.

Dinner with Ben at the same restaurant I'd been to with Joy. I wanted him to experience a Pomegranate-Apple Pitcher of Icy Goodness (with a smidgen of soju.) We also had the Peach and then the Kiwi. Here's dinner!

This is a version of "Keran-mari" - rolled egg. There was a little cheese in this and it was topped with a sweet soy saucey glaze. The bonito flakes on the top came alive, moving on their own with the heat of the eggs.

And check this out!

Sausages and potatoes!
Interesting!

Home early. I still had another half hour left in my barfday. I did not barf, though.

The rest of the week went by with me feeling very stretched. I was tired, distracted and had crap on my mind. My patience was limited. Now that I have days of leisure laid out before me, though, maybe I'll share. Or maybe I'll nap. But thank you for the birthday wishes - those of you who wished me well. Me <---- grateful.

### Mantii

I'm considering changing the name of this blog to "Mantii."

Tagline: All Praying Mantii - All the Time.
Good idea?

## Wednesday, September 19, 2007

### I Actually Was Kidding

You didn't have to give me presents. And, that Party Guest would not have eaten you. He was all full after the cake.

## Tuesday, September 18, 2007

### Birthday

Today is my birthday.
Wheeeeee!
Gimme presents.

Seriously. Gimme presents, or this here Party Guest will EAT YOU.
I'm not kidding.

## Sunday, September 16, 2007

### Nice Weather

If you're a duck.

Updated: 9:00 AM KST on September 15, 2007
Sunday
Rain. High: 75° F. / 24° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 80%.
Sunday Night
Rain. Low: 71° F. / 22° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 80%.
Monday
Chance of Rain. Partly Cloudy. High: 77° F. / 25° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 50%.
Monday Night
Rain. Overcast. Low: 71° F. / 22° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 60%.
Tuesday
Chance of Rain. Overcast. High: 78° F. / 26° C. Wind SSW 6 mph. / 10 km/h. Chance of precipitation 50%.
Tuesday Night
Chance of Rain. Partly Cloudy. Low: 71° F. / 22° C. Wind SW 2 mph. / 3 km/h. Chance of precipitation 30%.
Wednesday
Chance of Rain. Overcast. High: 77° F. / 25° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 40%.
Wednesday Night
Chance of Rain. Overcast. Low: 68° F. / 20° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 30%.
Thursday
Chance of Rain. Overcast. High: 70° F. / 21° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 20%.
Thursday Night
Chance of Rain. Overcast. Low: 67° F. / 19° C. Wind light. Chance of precipitation 50%.
Friday
Chance of Rain. Overcast. High: 75° F. / 24° C. Wind South 6 mph. / 10 km/h. Chance of precipitation 40%.
Friday Night
Rain. Low: 71° F. / 22° C. Wind WSW 6 mph. / 10 km/h. Chance of precipitation 70%.

## Friday, September 14, 2007

### The Cure

There are many different "remedies" for a hangover. A guy I knew in Japan swore by a bottle of sports drink and a nice big bowl of "oden" from 7-11. Oden is various items - like fish cake, tofu, and strings of konnyaku in a nice broth. You can add blobs of hot mustard to it, which clears your head up good. I once saw a newscast around New Years Eve that recommended eating honey on saltines after a night of partying. I don't recall why. Here's a whole host of suggestions from Health911dotcom, which is the 1st site listed currently if you google "hangover remedy."

However, I've always been a fan of a brain-numbing style of hangover maintenance. I say 400mg of Ibuprofen and a big coke slushie will fix you up nice. But,...boo hoo. I've never seen a coke slushie in Korea.

This is a reliable substitute, though.

It's a Cola Ice Drink!

Let's open 'er up.

Mmmmmm. It looks icy!

Before you pop the top off it and squish out its icy goodness into your mouth, please take some time to jam the bottom of the bottle into your bloodshot eyes. It fits quite perfectly into your eye sockets. And, see the curve in the sides? Fit that over your eyebrow and roll the bottle around on your temples. Ahhhhh. That's good!

Now eat it.
And repeat it.
And go back to bed, Mr. Hangover McDrunkenstein.

(I wasn't actually hungover when I took this picture. You don't have to be hungover to enjoy some icy cola. My students love this "popsicle," and I doubt they are hungover that often. Knock wood.)

## Wednesday, September 12, 2007

### Where You Aren't and Who You're Not

My students are acting all crazy like these days. I'm not sure if it's because the weather's cooled off a bit and they're not feeling so sluggish, or if it's because they've gone back to elementary school after their vacation and that's hyping them up. Whatever the reason is, they like to chase each other whilst screaming. Maybe when I was their age that was something I enjoyed as well, but I can't remember. Anyhow, I can't find the volume control knob on these kids. Today I woke up with an awful headache, and was already cranky when I walked into the school.

The school with the screaming and running children.

The younger ones don't have a very broad English vocabulary. They know "sit down" and "be quiet," and they comply when I request these actions. They comply for about three minutes, then they're up and at it again.

When the students start at our English school they're given English nicknames. I think it's a bit silly, but I'm also glad - as I have a hard time remembering Korean names. Today's second class was a group of nine year olds - or so - James, Lilly, Ellie, Scott, and Kate. In class this afternoon I told them I was changing their names. Now they are Shhhhh, Sit-Down, Be-Quiet, Calm-Down, and Seriously-Stop-Shouting-And-Sit-Down. These kids are bright, but like I mentioned, their vocabulary is limited. I often have to use the whiteboard for some visual aids. So I started our class with a lesson on "Where You Aren't, Who You're Not, and What This Isn't When You're Here."

You're not at the playground.

You're not at the zoo.

You're not at a wrestling match.

You're not an Opera Star.

You're not a Scientist Discovering Something Fantastic.

You're not a Sheep following Other Sheep over a cliff.

You're not a Patient at the Insane Asylum.

This ain't no party.

This ain't no disco.

This ain't no fooling around.

THIS, my little students,

Is a Classroom!!!

"So sit down Shhhh, take out your book Sit-Down, calm down Be-Quiet, be quiet Calm-Down, and Seriously-Stop-Shouting-And-Sit-Down -- well,...stop shouting and sit down. Seriously.

Here endeth the lesson.

## Tuesday, September 11, 2007

### Failure!

Somehow I lost hold of the sponge I was washing up with. It was the barrier between the serrated knife I was cleaning and my fingertips. The outcome was not pretty, and doesn't help with typing.
Dumbass!

## Monday, September 10, 2007

### Success!

I was on a mission, and I can report that I did very well indeed. I skipped merrily to work today, because that's what I like to do on Mondays. Don't you? Doesn't everyone?

At least I had an objective this here day. At first, I was just sneaking my magical Monday words in randomly. I started off right away.
"How was your weekend, Jelly? What did you do?"
"Not very bling bling pop much!" I replied. Jane didn't even blink.

The Korean teachers had to go to a seminar on Saturday. Jane said it was a boring waste of time, but I decided to ask Sunny what she thought about it. "How was your bling bling pop workshop?" (I considered giving myself extra Rhyming Points, but decided against it.)

I walked into my first class, and quickly realized that I was going to be able to speak my magic words one hundred times without being questioned about what I was saying.
"Hi there kids! Ben, sit bling bling pop down, and everyone open your bling bling pop books."
Ben sat down and they all opened their books.
Allllrighty then!

Later, I decided to get a little bold. I was muttering to myself as I searched around on my desk. "Damn! Where is it?"
"I can't find my bling bling pop."
"Uh?"
"My bling bling pop. Did you see it?"
She started to root around in the supplies basket between our desks! Ha!
As Sunny tried handing me some corrector tape, I exclaimed, "Oh! Here it is!" I quickly grabbed up a chunk of air and stuffed it in my pocket.
Sunny smiled.
If I hadn't scooped up the air, I am positive she would have just kept trying to hand me things, hoping she'd stumble upon my missing bling-bling pop.

By the time the last bell rang and I was grabbing for my bag to head off I'd already said "bling bling pop" way more than fifteen times. I lost count after I went into a crescendoing bling bling pop mantra in my fifth class, trying to get the kids to quiet down.

"Alright Lady Bling Bling Pops," I said to my co-workers. "Have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow!"

### Goals

I will endeavour to work the words "Bling Bling Pop" into conversations today at least fifteen times.

## Sunday, September 09, 2007

This:

And then this:

### WCB 118 - Kamikaze's Carrot

I've shared Kamikaze's carrot with y'all before, but I must again. He's so cute and content in his carrot. It fits him well, and sometimes he'll have his legs all splayed out over the sides, and other times he is curled up perfectly.

Carrots are good for your eyes.

Just last night, I found a nice toy for my big furry boy and he's been licking it and carrying it around in his mouth all day.

It matches the colour of his carrot. We like that.

Now hop on over to see Upsie and the Squirrels at What Did You Eat?

## Saturday, September 08, 2007

### Turtle Spider

If you want to see some awesome nature photos - far far far better than anything I take, pop by this flickr group!

## Thursday, September 06, 2007

### Holes

There are these drainage holes along the wall on the hill on the way to and from work. I'm wary of them, since last summer a snake slithered out of one just as I was passing by and almost fell on me. Scary.

Now, though, they're full of webs with holes. Holes in holes.

## Tuesday, September 04, 2007

### Day of Discovery

I did a lot of discovering this past Sunday. I had plans to meet my former co-worker Joy and my friend Ben for some dinner and fun. So off I went, to meet Ben near my school. On the way there, I discovered that there's a pomegranate tree!

Can you see the little fruit up near the top? Now I have to discover how to get up there and get 'em!

I also discovered a fig tree!

It's just a few feet down from the pomegranate tree. The fruit's not ripe yet, though.

And then a little further along is a tree with loads of bean pod things. I don't know what's inside or if I can eat them.

I didn't have time for further investigation or discovery on the pods. Ben was waiting for me.

But, almost to the school I discovered a new bunny in the cage where other bunnies lived before.

I'm determined not to become attached to this bunny who's probably bound for someone's pot. I shall will myself not to look at the disgusting cage and lack of water everyday. Or maybe I'll just steal the bunny and set him free in the mountains.

Poor little bunny.

So I met Ben and we went downtown to meet Joy who happened to have met Sunny earlier and invited her along to meet with all of us later when we met. So we were four people. Meeting, like. Actually, Joy had been the one to invite me to dinner. She was heading back to school the next day, a couple hours away from here, so I won't be seeing as much of her. (Insert frowny face.) Just after we met, Joy and Sunny announced they were starving. Oh, and they had no money.
Seriously, who does that?!?! (/More frowny face.)

So I had to go discover an ATM,...and was pleased to find a new one that was fire-engine red!

Nice!

We decided to hop in a cab to another part of town to discover a restaurant I'd heard about but never been to. Indian food! Yeeeee ha!

We discovered all this!

I discovered I wasn't thrilled with the chicken briyani - in the foreground. I discovered the pappadums were terribly overpriced, at two bucks a pop. I discovered their naan was delicious. I discovered, after eating mutton for the very first time, that it's not baaaaaaaad. Ha ha. Baaaaaaaaa (d)

I discovered the chicken tandoori was outstanding and I wish I had ordered a whole plate for myself.

Then we headed back to town and went to discover a new "Asian Food Market" that just opened up. There are a LOT of foreigners here because there are so many factories around. This market offers food from Thailand, The Philippines, Mongolia, India, Vietnam, and so forth. It doesn't have anything Korean in it! There are big cheap bottles of Chinese beer, and crazily big and cheap bottles of Russian liquor. Ben bought me some frozen sausage from The Philippines. I'll tell you how that works out when I cook it!

Then we bid Sunny good-bye because she's no fun she was tired, and Ben and Joy and I bought some cups and some makkoli and went and sat under a pavilion in the park. We were soon joined by a cute but very drunk fellow from Kazakhstan, and then a couple Filipino fellas, and then a guy from Mongolia. We were the United Nations. It was interesting, but the party broke up soon after drunk Kazakhstan guy leaned over and whispered to Joy something about sleeping with her. She's a good Christian woman and she was suddenly terrified! (But she was a pretty good sport after we calmed her down.) We took her home and discovered we were quite tired, so headed home as well.

I'm discovering that Sundays are pretty fun!

## Monday, September 03, 2007

### Craptastic

Monday, Monday. What a sucky day.
I went into work today and found my new schedule, effective immediately, waiting on my desk. The same thing happened at the beginning of last month, when the summer sucktacular schedule was laid on me. I didn't complain last time, too much, even though the new extra hours wrecked plans I had made over the previous weekend.

But today I walked in and groaned at the schedule before I'd even taken my bag off my shoulder. "This gets worse and worse." I said.
"What?" Jane asked, though I'm sure she knew what I was talking about.

When I first started working at my school there was some balance. Occasionally classes would be re-arranged to ensure I saw all the classes at least once during the week. Back then we had a 3-day rotation going on, so if there was a holiday on Wednesday, I'd see those classes Thursday. Otherwise, the kids complain.

There have since been many changes to the staff and schedules and I usually just do what I'm asked without protesting. Things have seemed to become really unbalanced, though and it's started to bother me. In one month I'll see one class 13 times, and another class at the same level only 8. I've had to start teaching kindergarten students, which doesn't thrill me. Last month I spent more time in class with the youngest students than any other age group. I had them for 4 classes in a 5-day week. They're loud and can easily get out of hand and I start my day off frazzled.

So today after Jane asked why I was groaning about the new schedule, I asked her why she was separating the last class of grade sixers.
"I told you I was, and you said 'fine!'" she accused.
"Yes," I said. "But, that was before the level test we had."

On Friday my lesson got preempted so I could proctor a test for the 7 students. It was largely in Korean, and mostly grammar with a couple of reading questions. I stayed late to get them marked and was disheartened to find that the students scored practically equally. Equally bad. The highest mark was 15 out of 33, and they all failed. I've been concentrating on verb tenses with this class for a few weeks. I've been trying to teach them how to look for the answers in the questions. I've been emphasizing simple sentence order. I thought we were doing better, but apparently not. So I questioned separating them. But Jane didn't hear that. She doesn't hear anything.

"They're all at pretty much the same level. Why are you going to separate them? I think it's going to really upset the students!" She's moving them into another text book, but one class will be at level 4, and the other at 5. I would put them both at 4. This is a class that's been textbookless for more than a couple months because they couldn't handle the textbook they'd been assigned. My former colleague in Japan laughed when I told him what they'd been using. He uses it as a conversation text for high school and university students.

Anyhow, Jane started to raise her voice. Separating them was for MY benefit because they were hard to control. (Seriously - she took all the "challenging" students and put them in one class, and all the quiet and eager-to-please ones in the other class. I'm sure this was for my benefit.) Then she started shouting about her schedule, and the work she has to do. Then she started shouting about,...well - something. I couldn't hear her because I was shouting at her to stop shouting at me.

So she stopped shouting. And she started to scream at me. Full on shrieking.
So I got up and walked out the Teacher's Room door, and right on out of the school.
Sadly, this isn't the first time Jane's acted out.

I stood downstairs in the doorway for awhile just taking some deep breaths. Adrenaline's a curious thing. It makes me so shaky. I always feel like I'm buzzing! Once I'd calmed down, I went back upstairs to find Jane screaming into the phone, to the Director I assume. When she finally slammed the phone down, I said, "Jane, if you ever shout at me like that again, I quit. I'll go right home and start packing."

Then I went to class.
Earlier tonight I started to browse around some job postings.

## Sunday, September 02, 2007

### The Break-Up

It's so sad. Shrimp, my long time numero uno favourite food and I have had a falling out. It's not the first time, but I chose to forgive my buddy Shrimp when it landed me in the hospital over a year ago. But fool me once, Shrimp, shame on you. Fool me twice, well, SCREW YOU!

I rather enjoyed you last night, Shrimp, in your lovely wine sauce with tomatoes and peppers over spaghettini. But, DAMN YOU, you sneaky little sea varmint!!! We are SO OVER! Because of you, I spent the better part of the night and now dawn sitting on my toilet with a puke-filled bucket in my hands. My apartment reeks, and I can feel in the pit of my stomach you're not through with me yet.

You make me sick.

## Saturday, September 01, 2007

### Let's Enjoy!

Let's Enjoy Sweet!

Then, let's enjoy sour!

Then, let's enjoy a handful of pills!

I mean, why not? It's Saturday, after all! Let's party!

### Stranger

Here's how big brave Kamikaze looks when there's a stranger in the apartment.

Yah, I spy you with my big huge giant eyes!

### Locked Up

I was waiting for a locksmith to come over this afternoon. By the time he was forty-five minutes late, I was getting annoyed. I had a nap with my name on it waiting for me!

The trouble started sometime last year, I guess. When it's especially humid or damp my lock siezes up and I can't get my key to go in. I stand at my door, often with my legs twisted together and hopping up and down because I need to get inside to pee, or getting more and more flipped out because my lock is going to make me late for work. I force my key to have rough lock-sex with the door. Crunchy grinding lock sex, while I stand there alternately cursing and kicking my door. And then, after a couple days, the lock will ease up and accept my key willingly and I'll forget about it for awhile.

But this past week has been wraught with violent lock sex, and Friday morning I just gave up and left my door unlocked and headed to work. I'd been swearing at the doorknob for fifteen minutes already. So we called a locksmith who was supposed to show up around noon today. After wating for about an hour and a half, I called Jane who called the locksmith who said he'd forgotten - but he'd be right over.

And he was. In about three minutes. And three minutes after that -with a shot of WD-40 and some tickling of the lock with what looked like an oversized paper clip, my key was sliding in and out like...well,...something. I gave him ten bucks and he left me to my nap. And to think I could have solved the lock problem so easily a year ago already! Duuuuuh!

### Ha ha! *a la Nelson!

Joey, over at Accordion Guy pointed out this T-Shirt a few days ago. I love it!

You can find other funny apparel over at Busted Tees.

I kind of liked this one which details Miss South Carolina's answer to a geography question in the recent Miss Teen America pageant. She was asked: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

And she replied, "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future."

You can watch her make no sense here.