What Not to Eat

Earlier I was flipping around the television channels looking for something to watch while I tucked into my nice meal of fish, rice and a nice big salad. I came to the Discover Channel - my standard "go-to" if I can't find anything else to watch. I like just about all the shows on the Discovery Channel. I love the whole channel. It's such a brilliant channel.

Boom-dee-yada.

So the show in progress was Man vs Wild. Good! Bear Grylls is a mental case. I wonder what desperate mess he's going to be in this week! Well - lucky me, it was a compilation show. He's in all sorts of messes.

Unluckily for my appetite, the show focused mainly on the things Mr. Grylls eats and drinks whilst in the messes he's in. As he decapitated lizards and grasshoppers and bit into them, I stopped mid-chew. When he drank his own urine and then hoisted a great pile of elephant dung to squeeze the liquid out and into his mouth, I set my utensils down. And, when he gnawed lion-style on a disemboweled zebra, and then cut into the stomach of a dead camel to squish out its half-digested belly contents for another drink - I got the tinfoil out, covered up my meal and tucked it into the fridge.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel like eating again.

I'm lucky that I don't do much any flying over the everglades, deserts, the amazon, or such places, because if I found myself in a Bear Grylls wilderness survival style mess, I would be deady-dead-dead.

But then he could come along, cut my head off, and squeeze himself a fresh braintini. So it wouldn't be a total loss.