Saturday, May 28, 2005

More on Cats

I was just finished university, having spent the summer at my university residence, taking my final few English classes and working full-time as a Youth Outreach Worker at an AIDS committee. About half way through the summer, my good friend told me she had been seeing a little kitten around her apartment, and figured it was left behind by people who had recently moved out. She said she was bringing the kitten to me. Pets in residence were a big no-no, but I figured I only had a few weeks left, and we would take the risk.

Saffi, as I named her, was a really cute orange kitty. She was a little dog-like and would follow us around, even walking the 15 minute hike through the forest down to the lake and back. Smart kitty.

If you haven't gathered, I am a real sucker for cats.

Anyhow, I was moving to another city, about an hour and a half northwest of my university . I was moving in with a friend of mine for the first little while until I could sort myself out an apartment and make sure that working with my new boss, who had a reputation for being a misogynist prick, wasn't going to kill me.

Or cause me to kill him.


My friend I was moving in with was severely allergic to cats, though. What to do, what to do?

I enlisted the help of my very French friend Dany. He still had a couple years left before getting his degree and he was going to start this new year off campus in his own place. I asked him if he would help me out and look after my little orange cat for a couple months or so. Dany was not a cat person, never had one in his life, and was really clueless as to the raising of a cat. I filled him in on the basics, feed the cat, clean the cat's litter, play with the cat. What not. I gave him some cash to cover the cost of Saffi-supplies, and just before we drove the cube-van with all my stuff up to my new home, we deposited Saffi and all her personal effects at Dany's place.

I was going to work at my new job for about two weeks and then head back down to school to spend the week on campus for Frosh Week. I had pre-arranged this with my boss before he hired me, explaining that I had long ago committed to give a couple talks and help out with Froshing activities. This was true, but mostly I just wanted to party with my friends one last time.

I arrived back at the university on a Friday night, having managed to get laryngitis during my 2nd week at my new job, which didn't impress my boss. Even though he had agreed to let me have my 3rd week off, he wasn't happy about that either. Ohhhh, happy times.

After a night of shit and giggles with the newly arriving seniors, and the Dons (residence supervisors) who had been there the week previous training on how to not kill the fresh-faced-frosh who were set to arrive on Sunday, I crashed in my friend's room and had me a good nights sleep.

The next morning I was up before noon, and downstairs in the huge kitchen eating some breakfast and watching the television, when my friend Dany came into the room.

"Hey man, aye been lookin all over for you! I want to talk to you about you cat"

I looked up from my cornflakes, "Hey! Dany! How you doing there? What's up? How's Saffi?"

"Awwww man," he said, sitting down across from me, "I don't wan dat fuckin cat at my 'ouse no more, man."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Awwwww, man, she 'ave da bay-bees and it all fucked up!"

"What? She has babies? What? Like, kittens?"

"Yah man, she 'ave da bay-bees maybe tree day ago!"

I was dumbfounded. I mean, this little cat was barely a cat, more of a kitten herself. Kittens having kittens.....oh the horror. I was wondering if maybe I wasn't understanding Dany right.

"She had kittens? Saffi? Where? At your place?"

"Yah man, she 'ave da kitten all over my 'ouse. She make two kitten in my laundree baskette, she make anodder one in my closet, and more on my couch. I got da cat juice all over my fuckin 'ouse man. Eets fuckin' sick!"

I was kinda thrilled! Saffi had kittens! How precious! Dany caught me smiling to myself and he flipped out a little, "Awwww Jenn, why you smiling for? It fuckin gross, it freak me out. I was sleepin an 'eard dis bad noise dat cat makin an I get up and she got dis 'ting coming outta 'er. Eet's sick. Why don' you tell me she gonna have da bay-bees?"

"Oh Dany - I'm sorry. Seriously, I didn't know she was pregnant. I had no idea. She's so little herself. That must have freaked you out." I did feel bad, Dany did look a little scarred. "So, what happened? How many kittens did she have? Where are they?"

"Awwwwww man, dats da ting, she hate dem."

"What? Ohhhh Dany, come on, Saffi doesn't hate her babies!"

"Non, non....she HATE 'dem!" I'm looking at him all confused still. "She HEAT 'dem!" and he raised his fist up to him mouth and mimed biting into it.


Dany explained that after dropping kittens and cat juice all over his house she then went around eating them.

It was horrific, but I laughed so hard I was crying, "Oh Dany! I'm sorry!! That's ha ha ha h-awful!" I asked the details. She had had, as Dany put it, "five an a 'alf bay-bees" (one of them was only half-a-kitten.) Dany managed to get two away from her before she 'hate' them too, and then he yelled at her for being "so fuckin bad mom." Saffi jumped out his open kitchen window, her usual come-and-go spot, and was never heard from again.

And my friend swears he will never ever have a cat of his own. "Ohhhh da 'orror!"

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