Panic

From BAD to UTTER CRAP.
I'm posting this because I feel awful.

Small things first, the dentist was as I thought it would be: horrible. He did indeed come at me with a giant needle and the nurses did indeed hold me down. They yanked part of my tooth out and then drilled me. The worst thing was I didn't know what they were going to do and the second worst thing was they tipped the chair so far back (I was in a lying position) I had a recurring overwhelming feeling of falling back. -Like when you're just about to fall asleep and all your muscles jerk at once. As they worked on me, tears slid out of the far corners of my eyes. Two nurses mopped them up once the dentist was done with me.

Here's the clever quip I thought of after the fact: even though I was terrified and pretty much a baby about the whole ordeal, they must have been pretty impressed, and wanted to coronate me, as they told me I will need a crown. Queen Me.

After leaving the dentist, I had a good cry in the stairwell.

I went to work. I had already been there, 2 hours early, telling my boss I was headed to the dentist, and getting her to call ahead to warn them a waygook saram was on the way.

I knew today was going to be a challenging day, as the boss was meeting with the K-teachers to divvy up classes and assign texts. As I arrived to work, early, I was surprised to see no meeting going on. My co-worker hadn't shown up yet.

The minutes ticked by, and finally the bell rang, and still, no co-worker.
My boss took her classes.
As the first class ended, and there was still no co-worker, and no phone call, panic set it.

It was panic in general, because having a K-teacher not show up is unheard of, especially Elizabeth, who's never missed a day in 3 years and 3 months at our school. She's super-responsible, and will call if she's even a few minutes late for being early. It was panic personally because she's my best friend in Korea, and I knew if she wasn't there, there was something awful going down.

After the day ended, with no word from Elizabeth, my boss and I and her young son took the bus downtown to try to find her apartment. I was the only one who had ever been there before. We got all turned around, and walked for so long, but finally ended up right in front of her place.

The lights were off and there was no answer at the door. We knocked on the neighbours' apartment (her friends) and they joined us in our concern. We finally called a locksmith, who took about 15 minutes to get into her apartment.

We found her on her living room floor. She was barely breathing and there was a suicide note written (in Korean) lying on the desk above her. I was the first to notice the note, and asked my boss, "What's that?" She read it and said, "I can't understand it." (I think she was in shock.) A few moments later, the woman-neighbour picked up the note, read it, and started to wail.

The whole scene was horrific. My whole day was horrific. More than horrible, goddamned horrific.

The ambulance came. The papramedics checked her eyes with a pen light and then grabbed the skin on her chest and screamed at her. Elizabeth weakly lifted her hand toward the paramedic. Response to pain. Good.

They took her away in the ambulance with the lights and the sirens.

I walked up the street, found the first bar I saw and had a shot of Henneseys with a beer chaser. Then I cabbed it home. The cab driver kept turning around and saying "What?" to me because I had developed Tourettes and busted out with soft compulsive "fucks" and "goddamits."

I post this now because I'm freaking out. (I really am.) I post it now because I will take support in any manner and any fashion it comes. Bring it. If you pray, pray for my friend. I'll support her best I can....you support me. It's a chain.

CURRENT MOOD: Fuck!