Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Can't

The answer to "how am I supposed to teach tomorrow? (Can I?)" is "No, you can't." I feel awful for not going in, but I woke up with - I guess - a migraine. I cried until the sun came up and then cried a few more hours after. You know, for good measure. Then I went to bed and crashed. Totally.

The phone woke me up and it was my boss. She asked if I was sleeping and I whispered "yes," and she told me the time. My 1st class had started 5 minutes earlier. I hadn't heard the alarm. I've never done that. "Actually," I whispered to my boss, "I'm not feeling well. I've got a migraine." She didn't know what that was. "A really bad Headache," I explained. "Really bad." She told me to go to the doctors and get my ass to work.

So I walked to the bathroom, shielding my eyes from the daylight, and looked in the mirror.
And burst into tears.
No, no doctor.
No, no school.
Just a dark room and quiet.

I called my boss back and told her "You know that I come to work even if I'm sick. I always come if I can. But today, I can't." I told her I was sorry. I told her I'd teach Saturday. Sunday. Extra hours. But today, I can't. Sorry. She pretty much hung up on me.

But I am sorry. And I'm angry at myself for being such a baby.
I want to stop crying, but it seems like I can't.

7 comments:

hardyandtiny said...

This is crazy. You shouldn't be working. If you need money to get out of Korea and go home I'll gladly give you as much as you need.
You shouldn't be worried about classes right now. You need to stay home for a week at least.
Stop worrying about teaching and just take care of your injury.

John McCrarey said...

Yes, and cut yourself some slack. It's not your fault and you have no need to apologize to anyone, especially your employer. Cry if it makes you feel better (or even if it doesn't) but shed no tears for missing work.

Hope you are feeling better soon, Jenn.

kangmi said...

Be gentle with yourself.

Joel said...

Work should be the least of your worries. I can't believe that selfish bitch hung up on you. As much as I would hate to see you leave Korea (because the chances of us actually meeting someday significantly decrease when you do) perhaps it's time to get out for a little while at least.

sher said...

I agree!!!! You need some time off. You have done nothing to feel guilty about. I'm feeling more and more doubts about your job being good for your health. Your boss is a complete jerk. Hug Kami, maybe he will make you feel a little better?

Nomad said...

Jenn,

You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. All the times you've gone in to work sick, they owe you some slack so if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Just worry about Jenn for right now.

Kirk said...

Hey Jenn - Agree with all of the above. You need to take it easy. Work is just that, w-o-r-k, what you need is a break and some time to recover.