Dems da Dentists

%&#$@#& dentists. Ohhhhhh how I hate them.

I've started "treatment" on two of my teeth. So far it's been hellish, and it's only been the first day! I went earlier in the week, but that was just a look-see. Today was the first day of thrills, chills, drills, and pills. This is my second experience at a Korean dentist. The first was last spring and it was super quick, just a couple minutes to remove a couple chunks of tooth that had broken the night before eating evil popcorn. Here's some thoughts on how things are going so far.

Cheers for the nice modern establishment that is my dentist office. I'm going with a friend of mine in the mornings, driving about 25 minutes downtown so we can avoid the "country clinics" in our neck of the woods. "Sky Clin*c" looks all shiny and impressive. There are comfy leather couches in the reception area, and another room just off it with a few tables and chairs, a selection of newspapers and a complimentary coffee area, and free internet. Nice!

Jeers for looking very posh, but actually kind of falling apart. As we sat waiting to see the dentists, I joked with my friend that every infraction that displeased me was going to result in a percentage off my bill. I took 3 percent off for the pile of used kleenex on the coffee table in front of us. Another 8 percent came off for the broken sink in the bathroom that poured water all over my shoes. I even took off 2 percent because the "I" was missing in "CLINIC" over the reception desk.

Cheers to the dentists, especially the little one with the glasses and the wee hands, who took about 30 minutes explaining what was wrong with each of my teeth that need work. He used x-rays, models, and diagrams he drew on a pad of paper. His English was very good, and I was right is my suspicion that he was schooled in the UK.

Jeers to the dentists, for the same reason. About 10 minutes into my dentist's lecture, I started thinking how I wished he would clam up and spare me the science lesson. Enamel, dentin, pulp chamber, yah yah yah, just fix it Dr. Wee Hands!

Cheers for the technology! In between sessions and while waiting for the dentist, I flipped between Oprah Winfrey and CNN on a screen suspended right in front of my face! This "television" also works as a computer where they display x-rays and televised views of your mouth as it's being tortured treated.

Jeers for the cleanliness. The dentists don't wear gloves, and Dr. Spikey Hair who worked on me today was ping-ponging back and forth between myself and another patient three chairs down. Though I never met the other patient, I feel like I have, and his spit was introduced into my mouth via Dr. Spike's fingers. Mmmmm. Yummy. Looking to the instrument tray beside me, I noticed how all the pointy pokey silver tools were all jumbled in a pile together, instead of freshly autoclaved and laid out in even intervals. The little mouth mirror was smeared. Probably with the previous patient's juices. I polished it up with a kleenex. Ewww.

Cheers for the army of young female assistants in their tight red sweaters. Pretty!
Cheers for the 3 giant needles of anesthesia the dentist plunged into my nerve to deaden it. I hate pain, and Dr. Spike hooked me up every time I flinched.

Jeers to the throbbing ache that started around 5pm. today, after the numbness wore off. It extends from the top of my head, down the right side of my face and neck and off to the end of my shoulder. 800mgs of Ibuprofen and two little blue pills procured from my pharmacist (which have morphine in 'em! Hello!) haven't done nearly enough to make me comfortable. My head drums a beat of "Ow, ow, ow, ow."
Jeers to having to wake up 3 hours earlier than usual. Jeers to my fear of the dentist, which tenses me up so thoroughly I leave the clin*c feeling achey and defeated.
Jeers to root canals in general, and jeers to my silly little teeth and propensity to grind them under stress and while sleeping.

Jeers to another round tomorrow morning.
Cheers to it eventually being over.

What do we think about gold fillings? I think the dentists here are in cahoots with the gold industry, as they're like pushers for getting one's grill blinged up. I got talked into an eventual gold overlay on the tooth we're working on. It's expensive, but durable. I think it's going to clash with all my other silver fillings, though. At the very least, they're going to develop complexes and fall out of my teeth once I introduce this new "pimp-daddy" into their midst.