Friday, December 29, 2006

WCB 82 - Jus' One Mo' B4 I Go

I pulled down my suitcase so I could pack some things in it. This displeased Kamikaze, who senses he's going to be left alone again. He promptly jumped into the case, turned on his laser beam eyes, and threatened to zap my non-bionic leg off.
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See how far you can go on one leg there, Hoppy.

Actually, he's not going to be all alone. Once a day, two giggly excited middle school students will stop by to totally freak him out feed him, clean his litter, and change his water.

Still, I expect many a zapping when I return!

For more cat blogging, go visit - uhhhhhh, I don't know. I can't find the hosting schedule. Chances are here or here will have a link!

Oh, and Speaking of,...

Japan, guess what I found in the basement food court of the posh Lotte Department Store last Saturday?

A Sushi-Go-Round!!!!
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Love it! I thought this was a fairly festive looking pre-Christmas lunch!
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Those bigg'uns were hard to manage, seeing as I was under instruction from the dentist I'd just left to only chew with one side of my mouth. Still, they were delicious. Actually, I stopped by HomePlus on the way home to pick up some cat food and found that a Sushi-Go-Round had just opened in their food court as well! Bonus!

I'll be visiting a Sushi-Go-Round in Japan for sure, but it's good to know I can get my fix right here!

I'm Outta Here!

In a few hours, before the sun comes up, I'm off to Japan.

Posts may or may not appear from there, but I'd bet "NOT" is more likely.

Happy New Beer Year, everyone!

BBM - Holiday Edition

Many thanks to Stephanie over at Dispensing Happiness, for hosting this latest round of Blogging By Mail!

Every time I get a BBM package, my co-workers gather around, rubbing their hands together and licking their lips, urging me to "Bbali bbali, open it quick!" so they can steal admire all my food goodies! Well, this time the joke was on them, because there was no food to gobble up! Ha-ha!

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What there was, was a glittery Christmas tree ornament, a tea towel, 3 magazines about Christmas cookies, and a tin of cookie cutters!

Thank-you, Barbie2Be for the goodies!

Now, if only Santa had brought me an oven so I could make some of the yummy looking cookies!

Monday, December 25, 2006

The Seoul of Christmas

John, over at Long Time Gone, is home is the States for a couple weeks, enjoying the holidays with his family. Lucky man!

And lucky for us, he seems to be suffering the effects of jet lag, and is awake and posting to his site while the rest of America is asleep with all the sugar plums dancing in their heads. Please make sure to stop by and read the play he borrowed and reprinted from the Sunday Washington Post. It made me laugh!

Rrrrrring!

I'm not sure who called me at 9:48 this morning, but I didn't answer. I was sleeping. When I finally woke up and looked at my little clock it was 11:11am, numbers which please me (not for their earliness which goes against my vampireyness, but because of their one-ness.)

I was wary of answering the phone today. I expect someone I want to talk to might call, it being Christmas and all, but I also was expecting people I didn't want to talk with to call. When the phone rang a few moments ago, I gambled and picked it up.

It was of the "I don't want to talk to you" variety. See, three of my middle school students had invited themselves over to my apartment today for a Christmas party. It totally was not my idea, they just approached me a couple times last week to tell me they were coming! These are very nice girls, and I like them a lot. However, hosting a party for them where they're going to chatter on in Korean and eat choccopies and maybe persuade me to buy them a pizza on Christmas at my house isn't my idea of a good time. So I fibbed a bit, and told them I had to meet my friend today.

It's early. I could maybe meet a friend today.

Hey, it's a beautiful sunny day. It' Christmas. I'm not feeling so moody. There are a myriad of possibilities today and tomorrow and so on.

Last night my 1st dream was a nightmare and I woke up terrified. A blood soaked killer had just come into the shower room in a hospital where I was hiding from him. However, in my second dream I was travelling along on the highway at about 100km/h without a car! I was running - but without moving my feet! Outstanding!

Fairly Crapmus

Yup. Merry Christmas to all you folks that aren't bogged down by loneliness and melancholy. Merry Christmas to those of you that are!

Christmas was always far and away my favourite holiday. Even the glare and threat of "wait til we get home" from my dad for whatever transgression I'd committed when I was a kid wasn't enough, really, to dampen my spirit. Even playing along with my brother as we got older, who had developed a deep hatred for the holiday, didn't deaden my enthusiasm for what Christmas was supposed to mean. (Yah, Jeff, I wasn't being completely honest when I wished you a Scary Shitmas. We both know that if we were to fully embrace "Festivus" as our family's traditional holiday; it would take half a year to get through the "airing of the grievances" and another half proving our "feats of strength.") Christmas good! Family bad. Somewhere along the way, the wires got crossed perhaps.

Well here I am in my fourth Christmas overseas. It's should be called "Not-Christmas" over here, really. Like the term my dentist used regarding my silver fillings, I am experiencing "micro leakage." Maybe even "macro leakage." My Christmas spirit has all but died, and the sad thing is I'm not sure what to do to get it back.

I'm losing hope. For anything and everything. And I find this terribly alarming. It seems like I'm grasping at threads of my blanket of optimism that is unweaving itself at an alarming pace. What the hell, world? What the hell, life? What the hell, happiness? Where did you go? You were real, at some points. At varying points. Why do I seem to go from numb to despondent these days? It's even worse when I think about how I used to feel about the holidays, compared with how I dread them now. What's the secret to unknotting history so I don't have to keep re-living these uncomfortable and unpleasant experiences? I'm Bill Murray these days. Screw Christmas, it's Groundhog Day.

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Oh blah blah blah. "Talk Talk" wasn't wrong when they sang "Baby, life's what you make it. (Celebrate it.)"

I use humour as a shield to convince us both that everything's alright. And it could be, but it's not. It's tragic, but yet still largely laughable. For me, that might be life's saving grace, because I don't feel very tied to anything else at this point.

I do wish you a Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Peace. More than that I wish you a Happy New Year. A good one. I think my year in review would be featured on some Bloopers TV Show. I hope the next year brings better fortune and more contentment, for all of us. But mostly for me. Because I'm selfish like that. Oh, sheeshhhh - alright. Goodness and love and serenity (NOW!) for everyone. It's on me.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

WCB 81 - Presents!

My friend Laura in Japan sent Kamikaze some Christmas presents! He got a toy mouse on a stick. The site of the little mouse's tail sticking out as I opened it sent Jane screaming across the room. She says she has a phobia of mice. I have decided to keep the mouse at work and scare her 100 times before I let Kamikaze play with it at home. My big boy also got a pack of grow-your-own-cat-grass, which he thinks is delicious. He got a cat blanket (pictured as it's folded up) and THREE new logs of corrugated cardboard he scratches. He LOVES them.
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He often sits Sphinx-style with his front end on the scratching block. Alternately he lies in his bed with his paw or paws on the block. I think he's afraid it's going to run away or something.

The last scratching block had been flipped over and was worn down to a pile of brown scraps. He was overdue for a new one, but you can't find them here! He was so excited when I gave him the new one he threw up his just-eaten food on it and then enjoyed his meal one more time. Cats are charming.

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Whatever. It's MINE. I know you're not going to want to play with it after its been barfed on. I'm smart like that.

For more Christmas cat bloggy goodness, please stop by and visit Tiggy the Tiny Tiger and leave some happy words for Tiggy's in a new city, and Sarah Jane, Tiggy's mom is having a rough time. I hope she and Tiggy have a Merry Christmas and a fantastic new year with a fresh start.

Oh, and have a look at Anne's gorgeous cats. The very pregnant Glinda-cat should be on a Christmas card! Anne was my recipient in the latest round of Blogging By Mail. I was thrilled to have been matched up with her, as I've been a fan of her blog for a long time!

Alright then, carry on being Merry, even though you know it enrages me.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Mmmm,...Yah.

I like to consider myself a pacifist, but even at my age - I've just resigned myself to the fact I haven't come close to figuring my own self out. I find it interesting that I want to start punching Santa and never stop. I want to grind ALL the reindeer into salami and eat them on crackers, and I want to smush the elves beneath my shoe.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,....but more than that I want you to share in my rage and help me destroy anything red or green. Or Merry. Or Bright. And especially Jingelly.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Same-same, but different!

In a different part of the same country, on the same day, Kevin and I went through similar experiences dealing with the clowns, oops, I mean asshats oops again, I mean incompetent boobs uhhh bureaucrats who work in offices here.

I was all raw from a visit to the dentist where they jabbed me with needles so they could yank my gums down so they could jam a string around the tooth that they'd just finished drilling for a half an hour. So that's where my head was at.

So I went to the tax office with my friend to see if I could get a "hallelujah" about the ongoing pain in the ass I'm having at work.

Now, I don't speak Korean very well at all. But even I could tell that what the 1st guy we talked to was a pile of mumbo jumbo. Nice attitude there, Shifty McBalding. Hows about looking either one of us in the face? The only good thing this guy did was confirm that I am not registered with the tax office. I'd like to say I was surprised, but I was not. I was a bit disappointed. What I had hoped to find out was that I was indeed registered, and that the appropriate taxes (28,950 won per month) had been paid. Then I could get all inquisitive with my boss as to where the other 71,500 won I've been paying every month has gone. (Toward cookies?!?!?! I THOUGHT so!!!) But alas....nothing has been paid in my name. The guy went on to say "Blah blah blah blabbity blah blah." It was the same to my English ear as it was to my Korean friend.

He ended up sending us to another office.

The guy at the "Tax Payers Advocate" Office was more suave and he had this to say: "Blabbity blah bee dibbly doo blah blah boobidy boppity boo la la la." That is a direct translation. Though this was the local branch of the NATIONAL TAX OFFICE, no one seemed to be able to give us a concise answer as to how much tax I should be paying. On their website it seems pretty straightforward. But the clowns folks we talked to at this office had varying ideas:
"You should shut up and pay 5%."
"If you make between 40,000,000 and 80,000,000 a year, you pay 28%."
"If you make over 80,000,000 a year you pay 35% taxes."
"If I look at your face twice, you pay 9.4%."
"If we throw these rocks against the wall and they make a sound like "clunk" you pay 68% taxes, but if you can find in this room the secret fuzzy purple hammer that makes a "boing" sound, you pay the random number in my head."

Apparently there is no direct answer for "If I make 2,000,000 won per month, how much tax should I pay?" No one would produce a number. The clown at the Advocate's Office sent us up to the second floor. There were 6 doors to 6 varying departments on the second floor. I felt like I was on "Let's Make a Deal," except there was no good prizes befing any of the doors. Did the contestants on that show actually get to keep the donkeys behind the doors? I used to think - when I was a kid - that it'd be pretty damned cool to win a donkey!) Only for me, today, all the doors opened up to clowns well versed in the "Run-Around Speak."

Oh, what I would have given to be able to yell speak Korean.

Finally, the two most important things I learned was (1) that I am indeed paying too much tax. (But, I knew that already.) and (2) It looks like my boss may have submitted bulk taxes for the hogwan to the tune of 5%. Probably, this is grand total of the income tax for all employees because we're a small school. I KNOW the Korean teachers aren't paying tax. It seems I may be paying all the income tax for all the employees.

Tomorrow is another call to the Tax Hotline for Foreigners (who initially advised me to visit the Local Bureau of Clowns.) Next is another dreaded conversation with my boss.

This beat goes on and on.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Working for the Weekend

Things are plugging along at work. I thought I'd give a little bit of an update.

Another payday has come and gone, and with it came another conversation with the boss about my tax and pension issues at work. My boss's husband is back from his long stint on a boat, though I've yet to actually SEE him. I was relieved he didn't come to this latest round of talks, as he doesn't speak English. Though he may be the director of the school in name, I doubt he has much to do with it these days. I was told, however, that he's pretty upset about the whole tax and pension thing, and that "he can't accept" the tax issue. *Bullshit,* say I. Let's get to the point, I thought, and questioned my boss.
"The 5% you take from my pay every month is for tax?"
"Yes."
"And you give that money to the government?"
"Yes." (What else could she possibly say? "No, we use it to buy cookies."
"So, whatever. I will visit the tax office and they will give me my money back."
She looked alarmed. "Did you go to the tax office?"
"No, but I will. I thought you could help me with this, but it's ok. I go there, fill out a form, and they tell me how much tax I've paid. They will refund my overpayment."
"I need to talk to my husband about this."

I called the National Pension office and confirmed that my employer and I would have to make back payments from the time I 1st arrived in Korea. Apparently my boss called the local Pension office, and they're willing to accept my enrollment from January 1st 2006. I suspect that would come with a bribe, as it goes against the law.

So, right now we're still at an impasse, but I'm going to push for a resolution before the end of the year. My boss suggested coming to some sort of middle ground on things, but I haven't decided if that's good enough. I know I'm stupid for not having realized all this stuff a lot earlier, but I just wasn't informed. On the other hand, it's my bosses job to abide by Korean employment law and not rip me off. Why should I settle for less? In less than 6 months, my contract will be finished, and the payout from my employer's contribution to the pension plan will be over 4 thousand dollars Cdn. And so far, I've overpaid more than 2.4 thousand dollars Cdn. in taxes.

I'm still trying to be very diplomatic and calm, but on the inside it boils my blood. Like Freddie Mercury sang, "I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!"

I like the new teacher, Joy, but I'm not so sure how well the kids are liking her. In the last couple of weeks, we've lost 8 students, and all but 1 have been Joy's. The middle school girls in my last class were really unhappy Friday. One of them had dropped out the day before because "she hate Joy-teacher." The girls told me that Joy's been rough with them, pinching and slapping them and pulling their hair. I saw it myself a couple weeks ago during the Speech Contests. I was sitting at the front of the room like I always do, and whenever I would shush a group of kids or lay my "Stoneface-Stare-of-Be-Quiet" upon them, Joy would amble over and knock on their heads or grab their ears. She would sit beside them and hold their hands, which was freaking all the kids out. This was, afterall, only her third day at the school!

But she does seem to be actually teaching the kids instead of chatting and eating snacks with them, like Gloria was prone to do. I wish I could convince the teachers to stop equating the sound of short i with the Korean symbol that's pronounced as a long e. I have such a hard time breaking that habit once the kids have had it drilled in by the Korean teachers. It's the difference between "slip" and "sleep," or "shit" and "sheet!"

Jane's strange, and we didn't have such a good week. She's not consistent in supporting me, and her mood seems to really dictate how helpful she's going to be when I ask her for something. Thursday night, she stood fixing a Christmas ornament for 30 seconds after I asked her for help with an unruly student. Finally she sighed and said, "What happened?"
Nevermind what happened! Just get the kid out of my class! (It's a long story and I don't feel like typing it out - but I had good reason to request the kid take a time out.) Just the day before, Jane urged me to kick out the students who keep making problems in this one class. She told me "Send them out! I'll talk to them!" and then I get no backing the next day. I just shook my head after Jane asked what happened (it was, afterall, the same thing that happens every class I teach with these kids) and said "thanks Jane!" and returned to class. Great. Now the boys have no reason to behave as they're aware there are no consequences for their misbehaving. So much for respectin' mah authoritay! I dread this class. (It's gotten worse since two classes were combined to make room for the group of middle school girls that Joy's kicking around.)

Just to end off on a strange note, earlier in the week, when I commented to Jane toward the end of the day that I was hungry, she cupped one of her boobs and offered me a drink. The more I think about it, the more weird it is. It's super weird, right?
Every time Friday rolls around I just can't wait to get the hell out of there.

WCB 80 Feed Me!

Big Kamikaze Kamakiri Kitty gets very impatient when he figures it's time for dinner. He starts meowing, sadly and quietly at first, but soon becomes angry and loud! He moves closer and closer to his empty dish until his head is practically in it. Just before I took this picture, he was lying with his paw in the dish and rattling it against the floor. Clunk, clunk, clunk.
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Alright alright alright, dinner's coming up - quit making such a racket!

For more weekend cat blogging, be sure to stop by kitchen Mage's site. It sounds like they're having quite a storm! And if you like many many pictures of cats, please visit Miss Ellie's Page. I always want more cats when I see all the lovely ones up for adoption on her page.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Puppy Dog Tales

Do you know what you get when you mix some of this:
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(Barky)

with some of this:?
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(Mamadog)

You get this!
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(Fuzzy Puppy!)

Hairball?
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Mom and Baby
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Dad and Baby
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Tail and Baby
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Now the whole family follows me to work everyday!

Friday, December 15, 2006

I Remember

Here's a favourite e-mail from my brother last July:

"Hey J-poo,
So you're supposed to be here in like 48 hours or something... Will you be providing flight details, or shall I rely on my friends at the psychic network?
I was planning on meeting you & driving you to the b-rab's place."


It reminds me I never did finish my Canada story. Let's see if I can before the year ends! ("b-rab" is my mother.)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hump Day

I phrased the final question in my previous post wrong. What I meant was more "How sad would I be,..." I'd be sad. I like my blog. I like writing. I just don't like it too much when it starts to feel like a chore, and I start feeling shitty because I can't come up with something to write about.

My bro's a good guy. I take his ribbing knowing that he was just kidding, and that he is very busy and hasn't spent enough time reading to declare this site shite. And besides, I may actually be slightly retarded. I mean, look at me in the deer hat But, my brother's determination of my retardedness comes more from the fact he's known me for so long and has lots of 1st hand experience with my doi-yoi-edness, rather than from anything he read on here, I'm sure. By the by, what I ate for lunch is fascinating. Every little thing I do is enthralling. I should know, the little voices in my head tell me so.

HA!

A perceptive guy I worked with back in the 90's once told me I was hyper-sensitive. I told him I was MOST DEFINITELY NOT, and then proceeded to get all sensitive, hyperalliticaly like, about what he'd said. I like making up new words.

Another morning at the dentist. Dr. Wee-Hands stuck thin rods into my canals and twisted them in good before yanking them out. It didn't hurt, so I didn't mind. I have to get a gold overlay on the tooth they're working on as "much of my tooth has been deleted." I shall be blinged. However, I'm going old school with a silver amalgam filling on the back lower molar they'll start to "delete" on Friday. It's $500.00 Cdn. for the bling, $25.00 for the silver. GAH!

After finally getting out of the chair, my friend and I stopped to eat some lunch before I headed to work. Mid-chew, the temporary cover they'd just put back on my tooth dislodged and I chomped it in half. That was quite unpleasant, as is the dentisty taste in my mouth I've had going on since.

I've got other stuff to write about, and I will. Shortly.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Blog Schmog?

Ever since I gave my brother this here address to this here blog I've found myself being far more self conscious about what I'm writing. I don't like it so much.

The last couple of days have been worse, ever since my bro implied my blog here is trite and fluff, and that I've got too much time on my hands. And then he said I'm retarded. Or at least I'm retarded when I post about what I ate for dinner.

Tom Hanks is right now losing Wilson the Volleyball on TV. I don't know why I relate so much to the relationship he had with that ball and the profound sense of loss his character felt when it floated away.

Would I be sad if this blog just floated away?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Oh Dear!

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My stupid computer is having issues and I'm going to have to get Mr. Computer Man to come sort it out next week. Hopefully he won't wipe out all my files like he did last time. In the meantime, I can't post any new pictures of Kamikaze for WCB, or any of the 31 pictures I transferred from my camera tonight.
Hmph.
Oh, but if you want to see some cat related stuff, visit Bellytimber, and definitely go see the most photogenic cat Upsie.
Carry on.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Dems da Dentists

%&#$@#& dentists. Ohhhhhh how I hate them.

I've started "treatment" on two of my teeth. So far it's been hellish, and it's only been the first day! I went earlier in the week, but that was just a look-see. Today was the first day of thrills, chills, drills, and pills. This is my second experience at a Korean dentist. The first was last spring and it was super quick, just a couple minutes to remove a couple chunks of tooth that had broken the night before eating evil popcorn. Here's some thoughts on how things are going so far.

Cheers for the nice modern establishment that is my dentist office. I'm going with a friend of mine in the mornings, driving about 25 minutes downtown so we can avoid the "country clinics" in our neck of the woods. "Sky Clin*c" looks all shiny and impressive. There are comfy leather couches in the reception area, and another room just off it with a few tables and chairs, a selection of newspapers and a complimentary coffee area, and free internet. Nice!

Jeers for looking very posh, but actually kind of falling apart. As we sat waiting to see the dentists, I joked with my friend that every infraction that displeased me was going to result in a percentage off my bill. I took 3 percent off for the pile of used kleenex on the coffee table in front of us. Another 8 percent came off for the broken sink in the bathroom that poured water all over my shoes. I even took off 2 percent because the "I" was missing in "CLINIC" over the reception desk.

Cheers to the dentists, especially the little one with the glasses and the wee hands, who took about 30 minutes explaining what was wrong with each of my teeth that need work. He used x-rays, models, and diagrams he drew on a pad of paper. His English was very good, and I was right is my suspicion that he was schooled in the UK.

Jeers to the dentists, for the same reason. About 10 minutes into my dentist's lecture, I started thinking how I wished he would clam up and spare me the science lesson. Enamel, dentin, pulp chamber, yah yah yah, just fix it Dr. Wee Hands!

Cheers for the technology! In between sessions and while waiting for the dentist, I flipped between Oprah Winfrey and CNN on a screen suspended right in front of my face! This "television" also works as a computer where they display x-rays and televised views of your mouth as it's being tortured treated.

Jeers for the cleanliness. The dentists don't wear gloves, and Dr. Spikey Hair who worked on me today was ping-ponging back and forth between myself and another patient three chairs down. Though I never met the other patient, I feel like I have, and his spit was introduced into my mouth via Dr. Spike's fingers. Mmmmm. Yummy. Looking to the instrument tray beside me, I noticed how all the pointy pokey silver tools were all jumbled in a pile together, instead of freshly autoclaved and laid out in even intervals. The little mouth mirror was smeared. Probably with the previous patient's juices. I polished it up with a kleenex. Ewww.

Cheers for the army of young female assistants in their tight red sweaters. Pretty!
Cheers for the 3 giant needles of anesthesia the dentist plunged into my nerve to deaden it. I hate pain, and Dr. Spike hooked me up every time I flinched.

Jeers to the throbbing ache that started around 5pm. today, after the numbness wore off. It extends from the top of my head, down the right side of my face and neck and off to the end of my shoulder. 800mgs of Ibuprofen and two little blue pills procured from my pharmacist (which have morphine in 'em! Hello!) haven't done nearly enough to make me comfortable. My head drums a beat of "Ow, ow, ow, ow."
Jeers to having to wake up 3 hours earlier than usual. Jeers to my fear of the dentist, which tenses me up so thoroughly I leave the clin*c feeling achey and defeated.
Jeers to root canals in general, and jeers to my silly little teeth and propensity to grind them under stress and while sleeping.

Jeers to another round tomorrow morning.
Cheers to it eventually being over.

What do we think about gold fillings? I think the dentists here are in cahoots with the gold industry, as they're like pushers for getting one's grill blinged up. I got talked into an eventual gold overlay on the tooth we're working on. It's expensive, but durable. I think it's going to clash with all my other silver fillings, though. At the very least, they're going to develop complexes and fall out of my teeth once I introduce this new "pimp-daddy" into their midst.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fruits

I love how different fruits come into season at certain times here. Certain fruits in season then become ubiquitous and are sold in vast quantities at the markets, from the backs of trucks, and by the wee old grandmothers lining the streets. Not too long ago, it was "beh" season - which is the Asian Pear. It's big and round and absolutely goes against what my mind figures as "pear shaped."

In Korea, someone might describe their plans as having gone "pear shaped," and buddy listening would say, "Oh. You mean like a big apple?"
"Yah."

My favourite fruit seasons are strawberry (late spring) and watermelon (summer.) (By the way, watermelons here are round - not football shaped. I think the spherical form is preferred in Asia, perhaps.) My least favourite fruit seasons are grapes (they're always blue grapes...were they green, that would be another matter) and those stinky yellow fruits shaped like small footballs, (which blow my spherical theory.) Ugh, they're nasty.

Anyhow, all that to say that now it's persimmon and clementine time!
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Two bowls of them there clementines will run you 5,000 won on the way to my school.

Persimmons? Hate 'em. Clementines - love them!
So does my boss's son, who eats about ten of them a day and leaves the peels all over the school. I like trying to peel them in one piece. Then I put the skin in the garbage, because I'm civilized like that.
(Oh, see the peels on the table in the picture? My boss's kid must've happened by earlier!)

Let There be Life

I don't know why, but I signed up for this on-line trial of some fertility-calendar program. I think it's natural to be curious about one's inner-workings eh? So every time I turn on the computer, or the clock clicks to midnight, a little window pops up and tells me how fertile I am and how likely I am to get pregnant.

Just so you know, I am ovulating right now and am very fertile. Chances are very good I will become pregnant today.

So, like, if you feel like dropping by and creating some life, just let me know. (Unless I've unwittingly signed up for the Immaculate Conception Trial Version, in which case nevermind!)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Update - I'm Alive!

I'm okay. Kind of. Sort of. Almost.

See, I think what happened was that Little Flu went and told his bigger stronger meaner brother Big-Ass Flu that I'd been fighting with him. So Big-Ass Flu showed up Sunday to kick me around some. Either that, or I got food poisoning from the not very good lunch I had on Saturday. My friends didn't get sick, though. Then again, we didn't all eat exactly the same thing (I'll post about it very soon.)

The last couple days have been spent puking and sleeping and sipping apple juice diluted with water. Oh, and worrying that maybe I had meningitis. I googled vomiting and stiff neck and survey said,...

At one point yesterday I woke up from a sweaty nap and had just enough time to swing my legs over the side of the bed before I barfed all over the floor. (You should have seen Kamikaze's expression!) Lovely. I didn't even go to work today, so you know I was feeling bad. Hopefully I've turned the corner though.

I think the folks who live below me might be alcoholics. They're partying again tonight and their window is open. I can smell the mix of soju and cigarettes and men wafting up to my balcony. I think they're playing the "Let's Scream Our Heads Off and Fall Down" game now.