Here's something more about Shawn Matthews. I wasn't talking to him before he died. I don't know how he felt. I know he was drinking, and I think he was probably doing that trying to avoid something.
That doesn't work.
But we can all agree something was wrong, eh?

Whether he was up atop his roof trying to clear his head, or heading to jump off, we won't know. Bless him, though. So many of us read his blog. So many of us identified with him. I miss him. Even his closest friends can only speculate what was really going on in his head though.
He probably never said.

I'll tell you what's in mine, though. And
Kevin, bless him isn't going to link me for being funny. I've been crying for 4 and a half hours. I'm crying because I'm really terribly sad. I haven't said a hell of a lot about my relationship except to bitch just a couple of times. And then again hallelujah it in my own quiet way.
But I got blindsided tonight.
It was better that he leave tonight, instead of watching me cry.
All night.
And so he did,... and I did.

Now I'm completely considering leaving.
Now I'm totally wondering how I can teach tomorrow being this closeto tears. You know, if you've read here, that I'm a trooper - going in with food poisoining and 2 hours sleep, or a face like I sported last week. But raw, and broken-hearted? Can I?

I've set up my friends and family back home for a whole new opportunity to fail me too. (So far, one questions C.'s motives, and my mother tells me to "get over it.")
After all, I had already had 3 hours to get used to it. I hung up on both of them.

I had wanted to return to Canada happy and secure. Happy. Joyous. I would have if I had gone yesterday. But I didn't.

So what was Shawn thinking? Did he share? Did someone hear him if he shared?
Hear me. I'm telling you - I'm so goddamned sad.