Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fool's

Hi! My name's April and I'm a fool! One of those things is not true. Guess which one.

We finally got a new computer at work last week and I was happy, after over a month of not having one, to see it. Today my three o'clock students hadn't shown up for class so I was hanging around in the Teacher's Room waiting for them. Two of my little kindergarten students came in to bug see me, and when the little girl asked for some juice I grabbed a can of orange out of the little fridge and gave it to her. I didn't notice that she took a drink and then set it on the narrow space in front of the monitor, but as I was playing with the little boy I heard a "clunk" and turned around to find the juice knocked over and pouring into the keyboard. Awesome! I cleaned it as best as I could, but still - now when you type a letter you get the added bonus of another letter! So typing in "Jelly is stupid" looks like "Jhewlflfyu iusa satruyphiuds." Seriously.

My boss? Not too impressed.

Actually, she was very cool about it and told me it'll probably be fine once it completely dries out. No bother. It's not like the time I dumped a whole hot jumbo Starbucks coffee into my very expensive company phone my first day on the job at an advertising agency. My boss then? About to blow a frickin gasket. Good times.

I'm still not sure what happened, but something REEKED at school today. It was during the middle school student's classes and it smelt like someone had crapped their pants. Really, it was more like a horse had crapped in someone's pants. My boss had the students move to another classroom, thinking that the smell was wafting in from downstairs, but then the smell followed the students to the new classroom. It really was awful, and when I asked Karen, "What is that smell?" she told me she'd tell me later. After the bell rang and the students left and the odor finally started to dissipate, Karen told me the new student, the shy quiet girl I named Emma, had crapped her pants.
"Impossible!" I argued. That's exactly what the students in my class had told me, and I wouldn't believe it then, either. The kids also said that their whole school smelled like shit all day, and what with it being April Fool's Day I doubt very much that one girl's alleged poopy pants could so completely fill a school with stink.

"Emma's not retarded, you know," I told my boss. "If I had an accident in my pants, I would go home, which I'm sure is what she would do if that's what happened."
"Yah," Karen agreed, "And she's wearing a skirt. She could just take off her panties and throw them away."
"Uhhh, yah." I said. (Not an idea I wanted to have in my head - commando middle school girls stuffing soiled undies into the garbage, but still.) "I'll bet someone wiped something on her, or on her school bag as a prank." I told my boss I wished I could have taken Emma aside and asked her what was up...and tried to find the source of the smell. Instead, Sunny just kept the windows and door open and tried to teach class pretending like it wasn't smelling like they were in an outhouse with the kids snickering at the thought of Emma needing a diaper.

In the middle of my class, I headed toward the Teacher's Room at one point. Emma turned and smiled and gave me a little wave. That's not something a girl with crapped pants would do. I worried about her afterwards. I don't what her to become known as "Poo Girl" at her school. I told my students about how when I was in elementary school way back when, I had been fighting with one of my friends. I arrived one morning and reached into my desk to find a big slobbery dog bone in there. I was just horrified. Luckily I didn't end up being known as Dog Girl, (I might have if I'd exclaimed "Mmmmm! Lunch!" and took the bone out to gnaw on) but kids can be so vicious.

1 comment:

Maven said...

Poo girl.

Not sure what it really was. April Fool's Day prank or just kids being mean to Emma....