I took a marker and blacked out a few phone numbers in my book. I suppose I'm not a very good friend if I share with the peoples on the internets that I think most of my friends suck. They do. It doesn't even really matter if I DO tell you they suck because they don't read this here blog. They're busy people, you know. Busy, busy. They've got jobs and families and things to do and people to see. Coffee to drink. Bills to pay. Zip zap go go go! Their fingers are broken. Can't type. Can't dial a phone.
I suppose me going to live half way around the world over six years ago didn't help with keeping us tight, but damn! I've got some friends who have called me never. I've got other friends who e-mail me twice a year. Maybe.
Should I still be considering these folks as my friends? Maybe not.
So I thought it was a good idea to remove their phone numbers so I don't have access to them at four in the morning after a few wobbly pops when I could let my drunk little fingers dial them up so I can slur at them about how much they suck. Oh, and by the way, could you gather up those Christmas presents I sent your kids, (Remember those? The ones you never called or e-mailed me to say thanks? But - oh - that's right. You done broke your fingers. I forgot!) and mail them back to me so I can re-mail them back to you with a card reading "Hey! Why don't you stick these up your ass?"
I'd like to say, "What-evah! I'm so over it!" but I'd be lying. The truth is I'm quite hurt by the way a lot of my friendships have panned out. They've gone into comas. They're on life support. They're failing to thrive. They're dying, and in some cases I think they're pretty much dead. So what to do? Stick a mental fork in them? Should I send a condolence card? Should I just move on? What does that even mean? I really don't know what to do, and it makes me believe that friends and family have filled up their lives in my absence, and there's no longer any room for me.
Facebook makes me feel like crap. It should be called "Another way for you to NOT keep in touch with your friends, Sucker!" Sometimes I look people up on Schmacebook. My cousin, who I haven't seen in over twenty years, has 164 friends. My other cousin has 289. She's twelve.
I've really bummed myself out tonight.