Sunday, April 20, 2008

Time Keeps on Slipping

Damn, it does go by so fast, doesn't it? Each day passing brings me closer to the end of my work contract, which is toward the middle of June. I keep meaning to talk to my boss about it and I keep putting it off because I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing. After four years here in this stinky little one horse town it's probably time to move on. And in the three years and ten months that I've been here you might think I've had ample time to sort out a game plan for the future.

You'd think.

Alas, I am still floating on clouds of indecision. I'm wafting on breezes of no plans. I am drifting without direction and sans a sense of purpose. Lately I've been very busy torturing myself about it all. My inner-voice chants a mantra that goes like, "whatareyoudoing?whatareyoudoing?whatareyoudoing?" as my inner-child throws a screaming tantrum in the corner and blames me for being a bad mother.

I swear, I just don't know what to do.

I remember when I finished high school and should have been getting all ready to head on to university. And I would have gotten ready, except I hadn't applied to any universities, so I wasn't going anywhere. It just seemed to me at the time to be kind of pointless to start uni when I had no idea where my education was going to lead me, future-wise. When I finally decided to go, I signed up and was accepted into the Social Work program. That seemed to make sense to me, study social work, be a Social Worker. (Study philosophy, be a Philosopher? Bbbbwaaa ha ha!) A couple months in I knew social work wasn't for me but by that time I'd already jumped in the river, so to speak, so I just changed streams and got my degree in English rhetoric. Now I can debate you. (Lucky I didn't get my "masters" in that, eh? Otherwise I'd be master-debating you!)

I'm at another crossroad, so again I find myself on the riverbank hopping from one foot to the other whining "IdunnoIdunnoIdunno!" My inner child points and screams at me to, "Do SOMETHING, dammit!"

I'm probably done at my current job, but like the last three contract endings they're not going to want to let me go. And, I have a rubber arm. Staying put and hidden and complacent is easier than plunging into the new and unknown. If I leave here, am I done with Korea? Am I done with overseas? Am I ready to transition back into the comfortable Canadian world I knew? What am I going to do there?

Meanwhile, my co-worker Sunny totally budded in the bad-news line on Friday and gave her notice! She intends on finishing in a month. She says she's planning on getting a certificate in something-or-other, but, "in Korea we don't say. After I get, I can say."

(I say she's full of crap, but I'm Canadian and in Canada we do say.)
She's freaking out about being thirty and not married and I'm quite sure she's going to embark on losing thirty-five pounds, meeting up with a matchmaker in the fall and endeavour to get herself hitched before the New Year. She plans on getting herself a marriage certificate! Mark my say-so words.

So me telling my boss that I'm going to finish a few short weeks after Sunny is going to quit will be a one-two punch that I don't think is going to go over well.

We shall see.
And by the way, what? You don't like my new header?
I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but I got two shoes.


Nomad said...

Don't worry about other people so much and worry about what's good for Jenn. Do you want to stay in your current job? Do you want to stay in Korea? I'm sure that someone with your experience and skills can go just about anywhere they want in Korea, or Asia, for that matter. Maybe it's time to try a gig in the big city?

Why am I here??? said...

I'm in that same boat.........what do I do with my life........ahhhh

Jelly said...

Thank you Nomad! Thing is, I don't know what I want! Thank you for the shot if confidence.

Gumbe, WAIH!