I Can't Understand!

I went shopping tonight with my co-worker and friend Elizabeth. We had a couple of strange conversations. She has said to me a few times that "you (me) can't understand, because you (me) am a foreigner." Most times, she is referring to Korean culture and the Korean psyche. I always tell her how presumptuous I think this statement is, because,...although I am most definitely not Korean, I think I could understand just about anything if it was explained to me.

I started talking about how perhaps it might even be easier to understand Korean attitudes and ethics in general because Korea has been so self-contained for such a long time, and has a history you can read up on, and strong ties to, say Buddhism and Confucianism, which you can look into. Maybe studying these along with gathering information and opinions from actual Koreans could make it easy to understand a culture and its attitudes that differ from those a Westerner might have experienced.

On the other hand, because Canada is such a young country and has, currently, such a diverse group of inhabitants, each with their own cultures and beliefs, perhaps its harder to 'pin down' a Canadian mindset. Is there one? Maybe not.

Elizabeth's comfortable making blanket statements about how Koreans think. And when I question her about it, she says "Jenny, you are foreigner, you can't understand!" Well,....perhaps,...but maybe if you explained...

Perhaps she just doesn't feel comfortable in her English ability to try to explain things to me, but on the other hand - she believes mixed marriages between Koreans and foreigners to be virtually impossible. Like oil and water, they cannot mix. It is, in her opinion, absolutely beyond the realm of possibility that husband and wife could ever understand each others cultural differences.

Ever hear of emulsification baby??! Yah! Let's emulsify!!

She may be right, though. I might never be able to fully understand why it's ok to push past people in Korea, or jump the queue at the supermarket because you're an ajumma in a hurry and all you need to buy is 17 bottles of soju!

We passed by the lingerie department and Elizabeth pointed out the colourful bras and panties on the mannequins. She turned to me and said "Jenny I think it's important for a married woman to keep herself looking beautiful so she doesn't make her husband guitly!"

I asked, "Her husband feel guilty? What do you mean?"

"No," she said, "her husband be guilty!"

Turns out she meant if a woman's not dressing herself up with makeup and coiffed hair and fancy bras and panties, then her husband is going to seek out some prettier booty somewhere else.

"Huh?"

"In Korea," said Elizabeth, "it's true."

Hmmmmm. "And that is ok?" I asked. "No, no, it's not okay, I don't think, but it's TRUE"

"What if the woman has cancer and her hair falls out with chemotherapy and she looks like crap?" I asked.

"Ah, well no, then it's understandable if she is sick."

"Ok," I said, "but otherwise, if a woman isn't making herself look pretty everyday, are you saying it's her fault if her husband cheats on her?"

"Yes."

Hmmmmm.

"You're not a feminist, are you Liz?"

"What?"

"Maybe," I proposed, "it's not the Korean mind I have a hard time understanding, maybe I just don't understand you!"

She told me that in Korea, love is like that. I asked her how many times she'd been in love.

"Never."

I told her she should stop believing everything she sees on TV about love.

But then again, I'm a foreigner. What the hell do I know?