Thursday, June 30, 2005

Video Snafu

I'm finding it very hard to write this, because not only have I gone blind and deaf, I've also gone insane. Yep. I've gone insane on account of a movie.

I stopped by my local stupid video store tonight after work. I've been stopping by there almost every day because Finding Neverland was supposed to come in last week, but hasn't yet. So I bug the clerks, stopping in and smiling, saying "Neber-randoo joo-say-oh!!" They laugh and tell me stuff in Korean, which may be "Yah, it's not in yet." Or, "Stop bugging us, you freak!"

No, I didn't go mental because "Neverland" hasn't come in. I boogied by the new movies and was so happy to see that multi-award winning "Million Dollar Baby" came in today! Unfortunately, the 2 whole copies were both out. There was also another movie in, and I'd seen the preview for it a long time ago in Japan and thought it looked pretty cool (even though I later read reviews that it wasn't all that.) A harrowing tale of two people abandoned at sea and left to deal with the elements and scary sea-life like jellyfish and sharks. Scarrrrry.

Well, it was not Open Water that I rented, but rather Dark Waters! From Qwipster's Movie Reviews:

I could go into a list of all of the things that makes Dark Waters a bad film, but I don't have the time or patience to try to recount something of that magnitude. Suffice it to say, there's almost nothing redeeming about it. The casting is laughable, which is probably appropriate to the poorly developed characterizations that permeate the screenplay. Basically, Lamas walks around open-shirted, while MacKinnon wear the tightest, most low-cut apparel she can, in addition to finding a way to get wet in almost every scene.

Dark Waters is a truly inept, poorly conceived action thriller that cold only please those viewers who tune in to the Sci-Fi Channel as their main source for entertainment. It takes an already bad film, Deep Blue Sea, and makes it worse in almost every conceivable fashion. If there are any movie producers out there right now reading this, just remember, Really Smart Sharks = Really Dumb Idea

This reviewer was kinder than I would be. I'm pissed off. This movie was so horrible it made me lose 2 out of my 5 senses for chrissake! Plus I've gone insane!! I want compensation. In the morning, I'm hiring a lawyer and then going down to the video store to straighten them out. WHY oh WHY are their shelves stocked with this shite when I have yet to see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," or "Ray," or "Pinding Neberandoo??!?"

*@&^@% Straight-to-video *#&#^ Jean-Claude-Van-Dam #(#&#^@ Steven Segal.

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