Friday, July 22, 2005

How You Feelin'?


"It's gettin hot in here. So take off all your clothes."

You know that song, don't you? Nelly sings it? I always thought it sounded better if it rhymed: "It's gettin hot in here, so take off all your gear." Maybe Nelly thought of that too, but 'gear' sounds too gay or something like that.

How about "It's gettin hot in here, so come on, have a beer. I am gettin so hot, I wanna grow my beer gut!"


How's the weather? Hot enough for ya? Hardy har har. *&#%^%&&!!

It's hot here, in case you haven't surmised that yet. Summer, in all its glory, is upon me. Feels like hell. I spent some time yesterday wishing I was wearing clothes made of non-melting ice. I am Canadian. I am a winter-woman. I just don't DO hot well at all. So this is going to sound ranty. Be warned.

Yesterday, after work, an old woman with a mouth full of silver fillings, walked up to me and cackled. She sort of shouted something to me in Korean and I smiled and bowed. (Yah, ok grandma.) She came up close to me and shouted a little more. I smiled. Then she pointed to her cheek, her nose and her chin and shouted more. And cackled. I smiled some more. Then she grabbed my chin and waggled my face. Right, that's it.

I dropped my hockey gloves, cocked my head and punched my puffed out chest with my fists, "What's that GMM?!? (Grandma-Metal-Mouth) You wanna GO? I'll go! Let's GO! BRING IT!!!!" I stepped back and gestured with my hands: Bring It. Come On, Let's Go!!

She didn't bring it. She just walked off cackling with her bag of vegetables. Chicken.

The smallest classroom at my school is the hottest. It has large classes filled with hyper children and only one little air conditioning vent. I spend my time in there sweating and walking around to follow the motion of the fan. I have a bit of a short fuse and a loud bellowy voice with the kids in there these days. I'll tell you though, if I peer into the next classroom and catch Judy, the Korean teacher, with the window open one more time, I'm going to kill her. I've asked her, since she started, to please keep the windows closed. I got in shit with the boss for having the window open with the heating on last winter, (I was actually airing out a students' fart) so I know it's not copacetic at my school. Karen actually said "it is like money going out the window," which is not only true, but also an excellently constructed English sentence. Bravo!

I've asked Judy why she needs to open the window. A couple weeks ago she said air conditioning makes her sleepy. Today she said "I don't like dark." I don't know what she means, but that's not unusual. I like Judy, but have given her a few warnings about the open window. One more time, and she must die.

Just in case there is any question as to what I'm like in the summer, I've hired professionals to create an easy-to-understand graphic:
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Do yourself a favour, and don't mess with me!

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