A number of years ago, when I had just finished highschool, I had a job working as an account reconciliation person (I forget my actual title) at a company that lorded over 4 very popular Toronto restaurants. I initially started out at one of the restaurants, a popular tourist attraction and destination for those who had tickets for events at the nearby theatre, as a hostess. Eventually, I worked my way upstairs into a 'numbers' job, even though I don't particularly like numbers, and kind of sucked at math.
I got my very good friend, Kim, a job there. Well, I didn't hire her, but let her know they were looking for someone, and once she sent in her resume, they hired her. I totally loved Kim, she was funny and smart, and started dating my brother at some point or another. We were all living together in the early 90's, me, my brother, Kim, and her two beloved cats. I mention this, only to note that Kim was an avid animal lover. If you haven't guessed, I am too.
Kim was also a player of pranks. A horrible breakup with my brother effectively put an end to our friendship, but I still think of her often, and cherish the super-fun times we shared.
The office we worked at had a mouse problem. They hired a pest control company to come in and straighten things out, and they left poison at the office in little receptacles in the corners. This meant that we would often find dead mice in the mornings when we arrived at work. This upset Kim very much, and she would usually put the mouse aside in a manilla envelope and give them a little mouse funeral on her lunch hour or way home.
As I said, Kim was a joker, and she played a prank on me at one point, and I vowed revenge. One Sunday, I got the chance.
Kim and I were often behind in our work because we were constantly screwing around during the workweek. So sometimes we would meet up to go in on a Saturday or Sunday to get out shit together. Ususally we would work through dinner and order in Chinese food to the office.
The Sunday in question, we had arrived at work to find a little dead mouse lying in the middle of the office. I scooped it into a manilla envelope and stapled it shut. I told Kim we could bury it on our way home.
We worked. We ordered Chinese. Over dinner at my desk, I pulled a single wonton from my soup, drained it a bit in my hand, placed it in a manilla envelope and stapled it shut. In time, Kim made some funny smart-ass comment and I said "Okay you, that's it."
I walked over and placed the manilla (wonton) envelope on her desk. She, of course, thought it was the mouse. She said "Jelly, fuck off, take that thing off my desk, quit fucking around." I looked at her all crazy like and laughed like a lunatic. She said "Jellllllly!!"
I raised my arm up in the air and brought my fist down hard on the lump in the envelope, making a big wet spot in the middle. "You're NOT SO FUNNY NOWWWWWW, eh KIMMMM?" And I laughed like a lunatic.
Kim started to gag. And run away. Her suspicion that I was crazy was confirmed.
I laughed my ass off, but it took a really long time to convince her that what I had flattened was a wonton and not a dead baby mouse. Sometimes, revenge is funny!
Beef 'n Bun (revisit)
5 hours ago