Plastic Surgery Schmastic Schmurgery

I ran into a former student of mine the other day. I hadn't seen her in a long time. She was the girl who treated my apartment like a hotel when I left her to cat sit while I was in Japan. Anyhow, she was pleased to see me and exictedly pointed to her face and said "Look!" I didn't know what she was talking about. "What?"
"My eyes!" she exclaimed.
"Yes," I thought. "There they are. Two of 'em, even."
Then it dawned on me what she must be talking about. "Ah, soosul?" I tried to remember the name for eye surgery. "San coupal soosul?"
"Yes!" she said.

I honestly couldn't tell the difference.

Lots of Korean women are concerned about their Asian looking eyes. They want eyelids. "Double eyelids," to be precise. So some go under the knife and have some procedure done where fake folds in their eyelids are carved out. You can even get this clear tape at some stores that you wedge into your eyelids to make a "double lid." Only it looks really stupid, like you've got tape pressed into your eyelids. But, whatever. That tape is one genius remedy to avoid the surgeon's knife and the hefty cost of plastic surgery.

Here's another one!


For just ten bucks you can get this gizmo and exercize your way to having a SLIM MOUTH! Yay!
I'm not sure why someone would want a slim mouth. Aren't big fat kissy Angelina Jolie botox lips all the rage these days?
So you can tape up your eyelids, and head on out the door with your exercized Rachel Ray/The Joker mouth,...but still, your face still isn't right.

That's why you need THIS:

Coco Beautiful New Look of Nose.
With Antibiotic Deoderization! Awesome!

BE A CLEOPATRA NOSE!!!!

You wouldn't miss a chance to have a new Cleopatra look of nose, would you? I know I wouldn't. I'm sitting here right now with my oral thighmaster and my noseclothespin praying that my face will be much better tomorrow and I can spend the money I was saving for surgery on something really important.

Like, gum.