This is me:
I had this portrait painted of how I looked today! Hulk smash!
Actually, if I had really had a portrait done, the artist would have painted fat swollen eel-like eyelids from all the crying I did last night. (Frickin' sad movies about dogs!) This morning my eyes were messed UP! Even though I slept about 7 hours, I still woke up with a tension headache.
After a couple hours at work, I commented to Joy that I wondered if the boss was going to be in tomorrow. As I mentioned before, she did say that she was going to come in at some point this week. I want to talk to her, and tomorrow is my payday. I'd like to make sure I'm getting paid. I'm SO curious as to why she's been absent, and even though I figure it's none of my business, I want to know! I worry that something's really wrong, as it seems so far out of character for her, who is usually very responsible. She's left the rest of us scrambling at work. (Well, not me really. I teach the same amount of classes - but the other two are stressed out with extra classes and the tension can permeate the staffroom.)
Case in point, after I commented to Joy, she turned to Jane and asked in Korean if she knew whether Karen would be in or not. Jane lost her temper, "I'm so sick of you two asking!" her voice rising. Every day you ask me and,....(blah, blah, blah...)
"Oh - calm down!" I interrupted. "No one's asking to piss you off!"
"Yah," she said, turning to me, "You're like a little kid asking," she twisted her face into an ugly whine, "Where's my mom? Where's my moooooom?"
Then I invited her to "Ahhhh, shut UP!!!"
On my way out the door of the teacher's room I turned and said, "You know, you're supposed to be the liaison between Karen and the teachers. I don't call her on the phone, but apparently you're talking to her everyday. I need to talk to her, which is why I want to know when she's going to be in! Plus, I'm worried, which is why I'm asking. Just answer the question and stop freaking out!"
So much energy expended over nothing, really. If Jane was the type of person who would relay information readily, I surely wouldn't ask. We were in the 3rd class of the day on Monday with no boss in sight, and I had been assured she'd be in. I finally asked where she was, and only then was told she wouldn't be making an appearance.
I spent the rest of the day in relative silence during the breaks. Joy suggested, after Jane's outburst, that perhaps she is "on the rag." (Ha!) Only I think she said "Maybe she is having her monthly menses period." I doubt it, but who knows. Some days I really miss working with men - not because they're menses-less, but because they seem to be less apt to freak out if asked a simple question.
Anyhow, I walked home in the rain without an umbrella. It was really more of a fine mist on a mild night. I stood under the gate of the temple at the bottom of the hill leading to my apartment for awhile. I watched the mist float down under the orange glow of the streetlight as I thought about nothing.
And then I looked up.