Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I'm a pretty decent cook. I'd be a much better cook if I had more space to work on here - as it is, I have about 1/2 foot by 1/2 of counter and the coffee table for more elaborate productions. I'd probably be able to really increase my repartee if I had an oven. Or a blender. Or food processor. Or measuring cups. You get the idea.

Still, I am able to produce pretty interesting tasty meals for myself and sometimes my co-workers on a fairly regular basis. In fact, besides burning toast or popcorn, (EVIL popcorn) I can't remember the last time I made something that was just awful. Oh yah, I remember way over-cooking some broccoli a couple months ago. That was gross.

Tonight, however, I created an unmitigated disaster of a meal. In the previous post, I mentioned my stupid new (2nd hand) fridge. I didn't mention how bloody bad it was smelling. When I woke up this morning, it smelled even worse. And then I came home, my whole apartment was rank.

I bought some ginger after work because I planned to make a variation of Shrimp With Lobster Sauce. Other than the ginger, I had all the ingredients in my refrigerator.

Well, when I went to pull out the ground pork I'd bought on Friday, I realized it was the source of the funky smell. It was so ROTTEN. You know, they should put a little sticker on meat that has been marked 50% off at the supermarket. Something like, "This should go without saying, but DON'T SCREW AROUND...Cook this PRONTO!"
Especially, sale-meat shouldn't be left out for a few hours and then transferred back to a not cold enough new 2nd hand piece of crap fridge. Ok. Rotten meat was disposed via my commode.

No matter, I had a little ground pork in the freezer, and it was de-thawed but still chilly, so I cooked that up. Then I blended everything together, added the cooked shrimp, and voila! Dinner!

The pork tasted funny. Freezery and OFF. And the shrimp was mushy and disgusting. I tasted a couple, just to make sure the 1st one wasn't a fluke. It was all so horrible. So my toilet got another large meal tonight.

Then I got a little paranoid - you know, shellfish and pork, sounds like a nice mixture for food poisoning. So I googled some information. Try searching google for "die from food poisoning," and maybe you'll not want to eat anything again. Jeeze, check out this terribly sad story out of the Philippines where 29 children died from eating fried cassava balls! Here's a quote:
"The vendor who sold the cassava balls insisted nothing was wrong with them and ate a few to prove the point. Now she, too, is in critical condition."
Smooth move, ex-lax.
Did you know that the body will convert raw cassava into CYANIDE!
That there is some interesting food facts.

Anyhow, fingers crossed I don't get ill from the tiny amount I ate of my disaster of a dinner. My toilet's had enough food for one night!


Kirk said...

You actually ate the stuff! I'd be very afraid......

Jelly said...

Ate, really, is too strong of a word. I tasted it. Blech!
Anyhow, I didn't get sick....so that's good!
Hi Kirk!